Saturday, December 11, 2010

Official Beer Protocol of Canada

It's winter here in the Northern Hemisphere. But that doesn't stop Canadians from indulging in what they love best... beer. A hilarious photo on a photo forum inspired me to list the rules Canadian beer drinkers live by. This was off the top of my head so if you have any more, please contribute in the comments!

Here follows the Official Beer Protocol of Canada:

1. There is always time for one more beer.

2. In a crowd, lead with the beer. People will part in deference.

3. In a crisis, save the beer. It's the only thing that will get you through the next crisis.

4. In a heatwave, buy ice. Ice is only useful in respect to how much beer it can keep chilled. (Corollary: Never check into a motel that doesn't have a working ice machine.)

5. Real beer comes in bottles. Save them and return them for a refund. Do this once a year when you have three or four thousand. Buy more beer with the deposit.

6. A beer that is not open is a useless beer. Learn how to open a beer with a) a bottle opener, b) keys, c) a coin, d) any available flat surface, e) your teeth. The last is considered uncouth since it means you have not mastered the first four techniques.

7. The unit of beer is a "2-4". Every decent party requires one 2-4 per participant.

8. The plural of "beer" is "more beer". Or simply "beers".

9. The unit of distance is "beers". As in, "It's only six beers to Lake Huron." (Archaic usage.)

10. When lost for a conversational topic, try beer. Complain about the quality while drinking more. Dis the American crap. Tell the joke about making love in a canoe.



Vladimir said...

If it doesn't feel right, get a bigger beer.

Unknown said...

A 2-4 is also a "square"

If you get tired of saying "beer" say:
1) Ivan Brewski
2) Browns
3) Barley Sandwich

How to loose a girlfriend: Just say "Beer me babe!" while she is up and you are reclining on the couch.

robin said...

That's also how you can tell if you have the right girlfriend.

Thanks for the contribution!

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