Here, for your perusal, is a small cross-section, annotated for whatever small amusement it may provide. This is from some time ago, in fact. So please enjoy the antique spam.
> 142 MILLION EMAIL ADDRESSES FOR ONLY $149
> You want to make some money?
> I can put you in touch with over 140 million people
> at virtually no cost.
> Can you make one cent from each of theses names?
> If you can you have a profit of over $1,400,000.00
Hmmm, let me guess, you'll sell me a mailing list, right? The same one that you are using, right? Which obviously has not yet made you $1.4 megabucks, right? So your claim is false, right? So maybe you should follow your own advice and try to make a mere penny off each name, rather than $149, you stupid greedy bastard.
> WOULD YOU LIKE TO MAKE $4380.00 OVER AND OVER AGAIN?
> WITHOUT RECRUITING OR SPONSORING ANYONE!
>
> This is not MLM. I will Completely Manage Your Account
> Provide Your Lead List, Do Your Telemarketing
> Place People For You ALL YOU DO IS GO TO THE MAIL BOX
> AND COLLECT YOUR CHECK.
This scheme does not perchance involve little bags of white powder?
> Guys, Add 4 Inches To Your Penis!!!
> Our Program Works Guaranteed!!!
> CLICK HERE TO SEE!!!
I'm not sure about you, but I prefer an HTML specification which does not permit such actions as a result of clicking a link tag.
> How would you like to quit your job, become your own boss,
> and build up enough residual income to support yourself for
> the rest of your life?
How would I like to quit my job; instantly add my boss' work load to my own; spend all my time hunting for clients; constantly have to convince people I'm to be taken seriously; spend money on advertising, marketing, office functions, and all the other overhead of a real business; forgoe a fixed pay cheque; never know where the next dollar is coming from; give up all health benefits; double my work hours; and erode any savings I may have had -- all in order to please you, you annoying spambot? Let me think...
> If you are experiencing IRS challenges we likely have
> the solutions you've been searching for.
> How would you like to get out of the
> income tax system legally, lawfully and ethically?
Let me guess. Emigration? Suicide? Mental breakdown? Give me a few minutes and I'll get back to you on that.
> THIS IS ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE!!!
> PIANO OWNERS- we offer a patented device that sits on your
> piano keyboard and allows you to play the piano immediately!!
Got one. It's called a cat.
> Do you have all the sales you can handle? If you have
> answered NO to that Question, then...
> ACCEPT CREDIT CARDS AND EXPLODE YOUR SALES.
Unless I'm a vendor of firecrackers or ammunition I doubt I want my sales "exploded". Where do spammers come up with this lingo?
> THIS PRODUCT WILL CREATE MILLIONAIRES
>
> This phenomenal product would best be described
> As a "viagra for women"
>
> It’s a new topical product made for women that WORKS
> Instantly, and it’s about to Sweep the nation.
I'm not sure I'm ready for this, but at least you've piqued my interest.
> We have good news for snorers and people who have to listen
> to them. SNORENZ helps reduce snoring noise - simply,
> naturally and effectively.
A feather pillow?
> NOTE: THIS IS AN ADVERTISEMENT FOR LEGAL TV
> DE-SCRAMBLER. IF YOU HAVE NO INTEREST IN THIS
> INFORMATION PLEASE CLICK DELETE NOW. THANK YOU--
Spammers even tell us to delete their messages -- how helpful. As if I wouldn't have thought of that on my own.
> Are you trying to sell ice to Eskimos? NO? Are you sure?
Let me check. Let's see -- no inventory of ice. No client list among native folk of the north. No refrigeration devices. Yup, I'm definitely *not* trying to sell ice to eskimos.
> Forget everything you ever heard or seen before about
> making money on the Net!
>
> A newly developed cash generating system can pay you
> $338,628.00 a year, and you don't have to do ANY
> work whatsoever!
Oh yeah! Well, this *other* guy says I can have a profit of over $1,400,000. So why should I spend time on your penny ante scheme? Huh?
> FREE Satellite T.V. System and FREE Installation
>
> Enjoy over 500 Channels of crystal clear digital picture and
> cd stereo sound on your FREE Satellite TV System. Why pay
> for these items in a retail store, when we're giving you the
> same satellite package for free.
When am I supposed to watch 500 channels when I spend all my time deleting spam?
> This letter is about an opportunity to make an incredible
> amount of Money (CASH!!!) in a very short time.
Money. Cash. It's all clear to me now.
> CASH in on the most
> LUCRATIVE HOMEBASED OPPORTUNITY of the Millennium
> with an INTERNET company already #1 in the WORLD.
>
> No Meetings
> No Inventory
> No Paperwork
> No Stagnant Downlines
> No Flushing of ANY Volume
> No Monthly Qualifying
> Forced Spillover
> Pays to Infinity
Stagnant Downlines? Flushing of Volumes? Forced Spillover? Some sort of waste disposal opportunity, then?
> Do you accept suitcases full of cash?
No. Please send all cash in garbage bags.
> I have just come across an opportunity that is like finding
> a Huge Pot of Gold at the end of a Rainbow and quite
> frankly.....I wanted to share this with as many people as I can.
This opportunity is no doubt also like leprechauns laughing under trees, talking rabbits wearing waistcoats and flying pigs.
> Start a proven home business within 72 hours using Microsoft's
> foolproof sales recipe for Internet success.
Develop an inferior copy of an existing operating system. Get in bed with hardware manufacturers to lock out competition. Devise an ever-expanding array of "standards" that you force developers to adopt. Release bug-ridden products in order to beat others to market. Lock-in clients through forced upgrades. You mean *that* recipe for success?
> Obtain a prosperous future, money earning power,
> and the admiration of all.
>
> Diplomas from prestigious non-accredited
> universities based on your present knowledge
> and life experience.
>
> Bachelors, masters, MBA, and doctorate (PhD)
> diplomas available in the field of your choice.
Funny, a diploma never got me "the admiration of all". It is a great way to break into retail, though. Oh, and thanks for being honest, but exactly what is a "non-accredited university"? (And I wonder: who buys a bachelor when they can have a doctorate?)
> With Fat Absorb you are on your way to losing those unwanted,
> unhealthy pounds, naturally, safely, and fast. Each capsule
> can stop 3 full grams of fat from entering your blood stream.
> Excess fat is naturally eliminated undigested. Fat Absorb
> is a natural fiber, chitin, from the sea that is attracted to
> fat...just like a magnet, especially saturated fat.
Chitin, from the sea. That would be crab shells maybe. Yummy.
> FED UP WITH:
> Being shut down by your ISP's
> People screaming,
> People sending you FLAMES
> Being bombarded with COUNTER OFFERS
Um, no. But I can certainly see how *you* would be!
P.S. Your use of apostrophes is terrible!
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